Pros• The Dreamcast-only parking challenge mode is more fun than it sounds• Crashing into little cars with big rigs is a great antidote to real world road rage • A faithful port that retains a lot of the arcade game’s visual flavor |
Cons• Without the arcade’s giant steering wheel, the game just doesn’t feel right• One of the shortest games in recent memory. You can beat the primary arcade mode in 20 minutes without trying particularly hard • Not a lot of replay value once all aspects of the game are run through • No online play |
Bottom LineLike teenage sex, it’s fun while it lasts, but it’s over way too quickly. The main advantage that console games have over their arcade brothers is the one that’s often taken for granted: Namely, you don’t have to keep pumping quarters into the machine every time you die, run out of time or get distracted by the dog humping your leg. Not something that crops up a lot in the arcade, mind you, unless the blind guy next to you didn’t get his guide dog neutered. And what’s a blind guy doing at an arcade in the first place? Playing Silent Scope? No wait, that would be the deaf guy. But still.It’s something the folks at Sega, who handled the Dreamcast version of the arcade game 18 Wheeler: American Pro Trucker, seemed to forget. Without being forced to drop another fifty cents for each continue (or a buck, if you’re playing in one of those high-end arcade-sports bar places that sell you gourmet nachos and imported beer while you’re blowing your rent money on killing the end boss in House of the Dead 2 and trying to keep the guide dog from sticking its nose in the guacamole), there’s no reason not to simply rip through the entire game in as much time as it takes to beat the trash-talking trucker rival in 18 Wheeler’s four city-to-city race routes. Which, as it turns out, is roughly about as long as it takes your average hungry rig jockey to pound down a Meatlover’s Skillet at Denny’s. Without the country-fried potatoes, even. |
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Review
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18 Wheeler: American Pro Trucker
(To the tune of, and with profound apologies to, C. W. McCall’s classic 1975 trucking song Convoy)
[Voice on the CB] Ah, breaker one-nine, this here's Big Bald Doggy, you got a copy on me Lizard Tail? Looks like it’s clean clear to Key West, yeah, I’m putting the hammer down and lettin’ you eat my dust. Rival, huh? Mercy sakes alive, looks like we’re racin’ 18 Wheelers … It was a sunny day on the 10th of May When I entered the local arcade And there she stood, a brand new game Lookin’ like she hadn’t been played I slid behind the wheel to get a feel For this coin-op juggernaut She said ‘18 Wheeler: American Pro Trucker’ And sweet mama, she was hot [Chorus] I got me 18 Wheeler, for my little Dreamcast Bought me 18 Wheeler, it’s sure to be blast Come on and play 18 Wheeler, solo is no fun Oh, please take 18 Wheeler, I’m already done 18 Wheeler… [Voice on the CB] Ah, breaker, Lizard Tail, this here’s the Dog. This time I’m takin’ the left fork in the road and slippin’ in behind that reefer, bettin’ I’ll beat you to Frisco. Yep, here comes that same bonus van, gonna ram ’er for the extra three seconds. That’s a big 10-4, Bald Doggy has won the game! By the time I’d beat that stubborn rival I’d wasted some 30 bucks Yet even still, it was a thrill Racin’ all them big ol’ trucks I left the arcade and walked on home Reflecting ’pon the past Wishing that Sega would port that game To my very own Dreamcast [Chorus] I got me 18 Wheeler, for my little Dreamcast Bought me 18 Wheeler, it’s sure to be blast Come on and play 18 Wheeler, solo is no fun Oh, please take 18 Wheeler, I’m already done 18 Wheeler… [Voice on the CB] Check yer 20, Lizard Tail, ’cause yer on my turf now. I may not have my full-sized rig, but this here analog stick and trigger button is all I need to send your butt to the scrapyard, you copy that? One fine day my wish came true 18 Wheeler was in the stores! I snapped one up and rushed on home Skippin’ all my chores I unwrapped the disc, popped it in And smacked on the Dreamcast’s power Little did I know right then I’d be finished in half an hour [Chorus] I got me 18 Wheeler, for my little Dreamcast Bought me 18 Wheeler, it’s sure to be blast Come on and play 18 Wheeler, solo is no fun Oh, please take 18 Wheeler, I’m already done 18 Wheeler… [Voice on the CB] You wanna gimme a 10-9 on that, Lizard Tail? You mean to be tellin’ me we ain’t got nothin’ else to do here but run this route from the Big Apple to San Fran all over again? But I already know I can clip your rubber, what do I wanna do it for a second time? “Holy flippin’ crap!” I cried out loud “Is that really all there is? Did I just waste my 40 bucks On this here load of fizz?” Sad but true, that’s all she wrote Arcade mode’s way too easy Once you figure out each course The whole thing’s kind of cheesy [Chorus] I got me 18 Wheeler, for my little Dreamcast Bought me 18 Wheeler, it’s sure to be blast Come on and play 18 Wheeler, solo is no fun Oh, please take 18 Wheeler, I’m already done 18 Wheeler… [Voice on the CB] Hey good neighbor, why don’t come on over to my place for some split-screen truckin’? You pull up behind my Kenworth so’s I can use the horn button to dump cargo out and send you skiddin’, yee-haw! 10-4, now onto the next mode. What, there ain’t no other races ’cept for a score attack and parking mode? Mercy sakes! But what about the other modes Like two-player head-to-head? Well yeah, it’s fun, for a while Until you’re ready for bed There’s just four courses, and a mere three trucks For you and your pals to race Not enough to make ol’ 18 Wheeler Keep that smile stuck on your face Parking mode, now there’s some fun Sorta like, whatzit, Crazy Cab? As if that psycho taxi driver Slipped some Valium in his Tab Seriously though, it is a rush But again, there’s only four stages Beat them all and you’re just left Starin’ blankly at the gauges [Chorus] I got me 18 Wheeler, for my little Dreamcast Bought me 18 Wheeler, it’s sure to be blast Come on and play 18 Wheeler, solo is no fun Oh, please take 18 Wheeler, I’m already done 18 Wheeler… [Voice on the CB] Well there, Lizard Tail, I gotta point my chrome at the sun and put some miles between me an’ here, ’cause there ain’t no reason for stickin’ round these parts. Yer trucks are lookin’ good and all, but there’s more to truckin’ than pretty paint . Catch you on the flip-flop, we gone. Big Bald Doggy out. Truth be told, it’s a faithful port Of the coin-op arcade fave But without that giant steering wheel There ain’t no reason to rave No online play, no juicy extras To round out this here game As a rental it’s a perfect choice As a purchase, it’s just lame [Chorus] I got me 18 Wheeler, for my mighty Dreamcast Bought me 18 Wheeler, it’s sure to be blast Come on and play 18 Wheeler, solo is no fun Oh, please take 18 Wheeler, I’m already done 18 Wheeler… 18 Wheeler… 18 Wheeler… |
