Loaded

Obnoxious is usually a word that people reserve for little brothers or drunken party goers. How come then, it's the only one-word description that comes to mind when I think of this title? Loaded is by far, the single most crass, deranged, psychotic and, yes, obnoxious video game I have ever played. So, it should come as no surprise then, to regular readers of this site, that I absolutely loved the damn thing from the minute I first laid eyes on it! Even way back, when I heard the first tidbits of information about this game, I knew it was going to be something I'd enjoy. Loaded is a direct descendant of the Robotron / Smash TV family. Anything with those roots is welcome in my home.

Carnage, messy carnage is the name of the game here. The instruction book suggests:

"If it moves, blast it until it DOESN'T move."

Very Zen, don't you think? Okay, maybe not. At least it's a great summation of the course of events in this game, which have been tailored to please twitch fiends, like myself. Opening cell doors and secret passages; hunting for power ups and credit tokens; igniting and extinguishing the life of everything and everyone you come across. This is Loaded. A blood soaked, graphically beautiful, out and out, pure and simple addiction. You might want to think of it as Doom from up above but really, it's more like the early days of gaming: Berzerk, Robotron and Smash TV. Days when the most complex thing about video games was finding the coin slot to drop your quarter into.

Loaded is a complete visual feast. Enemies explode like water balloons, leaving a splatter of blood to stain the already pissed on, mildew infested nooks and corridors of this insane corrections facility. You, as any one of six pleasant psychotics, are trying to extract yourself from this institutional hell. Other inmates attack you, guards shoot first and stomp on your bloody stump later, and, happily, you are also threatened by hulking kick-ass cannons and other forms of mechanized death. There is no time to rest in this game. Maniacal developers at Gremlin have ensured that as orgasmic as the overall look of this game is, there is never much time to take it all in. The ability to zoom in and out, by using left and right shift buttons on the controller, is really the only way you'll get to admire the tiniest details. Careful not to sit and admire the absolutely amazing light sourcing in a specific hallway for too long however, because they find you, they always find you.

The music for Loaded is downright sensational. Your tiny, tinny television speakers are just going to explode, so you'd better make sure your PSX is properly rigged to some solid stereo equipment. Pop Will Eat Itself brings the noise, and man, do they shake it up. I haven't heard this much buzz raunch since I dated a girl who was, sadly, very into Bauhaus and Skinny Puppy. That was the eighties, however; things are a little different on the music scene these days (this kind of mayhem passes for wedding music in the 90's). There is a very smooth Graphics / Gameplay / Sound Effects / Music integration going on. After playing through a few levels of Loaded, you'll start to wonder how Pop Will Eat Itself could have been around before the game, the two seem so right for each other. I sure hope this paves the way for other bands to score entire video games in the future - it's a great idea and it has been realized to absolute perfection in Loaded.

Sound effects are scintillatingly grotesque. Every squelch, every splurch, every splat and every scream of a human body being turned to chunky pulp is horrendously simulated. Be prepared to wriggle in discomfort at some of the aural insanity. I think there has to be some foley work lifted directly from "Resevoir Dogs" or "Casino" in this punishment - it's just too convincing. Suffice to say, this is the kind of dedication to the absolute emulation of reality that the freaks on Capital Hill like to get all uptight about. It is a bit of a wonder how this game made it into mass market. I'm sure there will be many parents not happy that it did.

This brings up a good point. Loaded is rated "Mature, Ages 17+", on the box. The ratings tend to be a bit strict and they've been set up to appease people that have no conception of how to enjoy a video game but Loaded's rating is not too far off the mark. This is not a game I would pull out for young kids. Obviously, they can get to it - it's probably playing for them down at their local vidgame store right now - but it is very graphic (although slightly less terrifying than Doom) and the enemies are much too human looking to ignore (whereas in Doom the baddies were all zombies or demons of some kind). So, if you're concerned about pyschotic nightmlares floating around in your kids' dreams, I'd take another look at the gory content of this unquestionably adult oriented game. It may play like the blasters of your youth but it sure don't look like 'em.

The most beautiful aspect of Loaded is the way it moves. Fluid animation is accompanied by crisp zooming control and spectacularly lit terrain to give you as cinematic an experience as can be had from up above the action. If there were cut scenes of the game play action (dare I suggest an instant replay?) or the ability to manipulate the camera angles (a la the superb camera angle options of NHL Faceoff from Sony Interactive Sports) this game would be the best of its class. There is so much action and mayhem in this mother, it would literally blow away the competition. Even as it stands, as an overhead "room-to-room" destruct-a-thon, this game kicks ass.

Control is airtight. Gremlin uses the PSX Controller to mighty fine effect. You have a map/status info toggle button, a speed button, a smart bomb button and of course, the ever important fire button. The "L2" & "R2" buttons are used to bring us closer and further away from the action. And the "L1" button, when held in conjuction with a direction on the controller and the fire button, is your mechanism for strafing. It's all as simple as doing up your Velcro-lace shoes.

The concept for the game is equally as simple: you're trying to escape from the looney detention center you've been trapped in. It's on the planet Raulf, a "nice place to visit, wouldn't want to live there" - type of environment. The levels of the game represent progress in your escape. The first seven are spent freeing yourself from the bowels of the prison and then survivng the madness of the environment of the outside world on Raulf. The rest of the game is spent surviving the carnage in the space port that you teleport to, wrestling with vile robotic workers in a space vehicle junk yard and ultimately squaring off against F.U.B. (Fat Ugly Boy), the main bad guy in the game. This may all sound fairly lightweight, and granted the plot is thin; the six different characters are pretty much indistinguishable from one another and there is only one way to view the action, but the game is absurdly addictive and a definite cure for the "I'm so bored because I don't have anything to blast into a puddle of blood" blues. Or as Pop Will Eat Itself sings, "Nothing to do and nothing to kill-l-l-l."

Loaded is indulgent candy. Absolutely no good could come from playing a game this wickedly entertaining. This is going to find its way into many adolescent boys' homes. Fans of Jean Claude Van Damme and Steven Segal will get off on the violence. Fans of Judge Dredd will get off on the immaculately constructed settings and the character design work that has gone into the insidious protagonists we control. Fans of nostalgic gaming will find much to make them sigh about. And all PlayStation owners will have found themselves another fantastic way to stay up long past bed time. Loaded ain't for everyone though. If you tire quickly of loudness and insurmountable good guy (it's all relative) to bad guy odds, you'll likely find the game frustrating. If you have younger game players in the house, it might be wise to rent this thing first to see if it'll be suitable for your living room. For the rest of you... ...don't play the "Fairy" level, it's for wimps.

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